A lot of people, probably all, walk around wishing that aliens will some day make contact with us. For many, both humans and aliens, abductions and crop circles seem not to be the best possible means of communication, and they prefer dialogue to painful medical experiments and oversized ambiguous messages. To indulge this reasonable preferance we have started the Alien Contact Service. If you want to know the secrets of the universe, access new technological wonders, see new and thrilling places or you just want someone to share the joys and worries of your everyday life with: Alien Contact Service puts you in contact with just the kind of alien being your heart desires.
(Please note that this service at present time is limited to sentient beings within the Milky Way. However we have applied to be licensed for intergalactic contact. Relying almost exclusively on extra-terrestrial technology and being members of a rather unappealing species, we’ve had to kiss a lot of alien ass just to get into the contact program in the first place, so please do not expect this to happen any time soon.)